AS REAL AS MY MUSIC (cerca December 2010)
Looking back at a journal entry from over a year ago, I came across this note that I wrote to myself.
“I want to be as real as my music.”
These past couple of months have been FILLED with music. Weddings, masses, retreats, Holy Hours, upcoming Christmas shows and concerts, and just plain for fun jam sessions. In a country that is not my own, and in a tongue that is not my native, I have found that MUSIC is the language of the soul.
I love the authenticity music demands of me. The need to practice even though I’ve sung or played the same song a million times…the continuous search for a better arrangement…the singing of a song that truly pours out what one thought the mind could not put words to…and my favorite – the quest for a perfect harmony. It’s a journey with no end, and if it did have an end, I wouldn’t necessarily have a desire to arrive.
My music speaks for me – even the things that I don’t necessarily intend to reveal. When I am angry, sad, or just not really pumped up, it is obvious in the way my fingers hit the keys, strum my strings, or the way the notes pour out of my mouth. It is obvious that sound waves carry much more than meets the ear. If I haven’t practiced, if I don’t know what I’m doing, or if I just am not prepared – with one wrong note played or sung – that’s music’s way of keeping me humble.
That aside, the best for me, however, is in my moments of either deep despair, or deep joy. Music for me is my most honest prayer, BECAUSE it is so revealing. I cannot sing a joyful song if deep down in my heart I’m having a “My God, My God, why have you abandoned me” moment. Yet, on the other hand, I’ve found I can’t sing anything in a minor key if I’m overwhelmed with joy.
May I practice my faith with the same vigor, may I remain humble and acknowledge my faults and rely on the Lord who has given me all my abilities. May I reveal through my actions, words, and thoughts, who I truly am…May I be as real, authentic, and transparent as my music.
“Music is God’s gift to man, the only art of Heaven given to earth, the only art of earth we take to Heaven.” Walter Savage Landor
